hold me

its hard. its going to be hard. i know it is. but i will handle it. i want to make this work. its like the future is starting to shape up.

i remember complaining about not belonging. i always felt that i dont belong. but with him, i do. i am comfortable. i am happy. but im just afraid of his many sides. i dont know if i have the courage to accept them or even the ability to accept them. i live on the idealistic side when it comes to people. i cannot deal with the ugly side of human nature except my own. if i want to love him selflessly i need to accept him for all that he is,

i dont know if its true but i tink only we can stand each other with our psychotic minds. okay psychotic is prob a hyperbole for all that is going on in our heads but we're messed up enough to kinda understand each other, we just need to learn to give and take. and also not to be so obsessed about each other. keeping track of things is what we've been doin. no one said it was going to be easy. no one ever said it would be this hard too. but no matter. i know for now, im not giving up. i know i can get thru this.

my eyes hurt, im tired. but at least i know, i dared to cry infront of him. the moment when he held me in his arms, i wished for all the pain to go away. but it didn't . but it felt really good to have him understand, to have him hold me while i cry, knowing that he promise to be there when i fall. when he promises to patch me up if i ever fall into pieces. promises that he make...though i hate promises, they just set u up for disappointment sometimes. im so afraid of the future i can only take it one step at a time. its overwhelming.

but i want to get through this. and i will achieve it with all my might.